Tuesday’s Report

Tuesday May 31^st 2005

I woke up at my friends house feeling a gurgling sensation in my stomach, of milk. I had to get home and quick. Something didn't feel right.

I got home and had my Vitamin C tablet. What was my stomach trying to tell me? It didn't feel hungry, it was just swirling. I'll play it safe I thought, head for the toilet, just in case.

MY GOD. Thank Christ I went to the toilet. I suspected this MAY happen, but I more suspected I would be constipated due to all the Iron.

I didn't take any pictures, I thought I would spare you that. However, if you are interested to see what it looked like, simply crack open two cans of Guinness and pour them down the toilet. That is EXACTLY what it looked like. Complete with frothy head. It was disturbing. Have I damaged my insides forever?

I needed re-assurance, I stepped onto the scales. WOOHOO. I had lost 3lbs. In total I had lost 5lbs in just 48 hours. I had gone from 14st 12lbs on Sunday morning, to 14st 7lbs on Tuesday morning. I decided to continue.

I cracked open Guinness number one for the day. With the first pint gone, I went back to the toilet again. I was praying it wasn't going to be like this for the rest of the week. Another disturbing im­age, my urine resembled Irn Bru. It was a bright orange. What was I doing to myself? I wasn't feeling hungry at all, I still craved food on and off, but I didn't really fancy drinking a Guin­ness either At 5pm I got the hunger pangs yet again. This was my lowest point, everyone pre­dicted today would be the day I fell. I wasn't going to fall so easily and so early, f said to myself 'get to midnight tonight, and it's 72 hours, your getting there man, getting nearer to the half way mark, as soon as you get half way, your gonna make it'.

I opened a can to rid that hunger. I was on a mission. Nothing was going to stop me now. Plus the England vs Columbia match was on TV. I sank just two cans of Guinness. I started wondering why my urine was orange, then I realised, I was allowed as much water as I could drink or wanted, I had only had 3 pints of water since Sunday.

A new plan. For every two pints of Guinness I would follow with 1 -2 pints of water. Clean my sys­tem out.

I finished watching the match with some Guinness supper Only 3 pints for the day, but my hunger was met. The clock struck midnight, 72 hours. I felt proud. Nobody around to mark the occasion with a cheer or a photograph, but I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

The Science Part:

Weight on Sunday: 14st 12lbs

Weight on Tuesday: 14st 7lbs

Weight Loss: 5lbs

Bank Holiday Monday

Monday May 30^th 2005

An early start to the day and the typical pint of milk and Vitamin C.

Today was West Ham vs Preston so I decided to hold back on breakfast and save it for later in the day whilst i watched the match. So i basically sat around watching the match whilst having two Guinness. Around 5pm I got the hunger pangs, pretty badly as well, I could feel my stomach gur­gling. Nothing for it, i had to have another can of Guinness. I made this one last a good hour. I was concerned, I really didn't want to give up, after all this is for medical, scientific and pub research. For all the people in pubs would know me as the man that couldn't even make it 48 hours. I need to stay strong! I stayed strong and the hunger subsided.

Now anyone who has been on a diet before (I more logical and sensible diet that is) will know, after several days you can actually feel your stomach shrink as your eating less food. It is a strange sen­sation in your stomach, a bit like hunger pains but without the hunger. I began to feel these. Is that normal after 35 hours?!? For me this was the turning point, surely now I will feel less hunger. For an extra moral boost I headed towards the scales. If I put weight on, I could see myself crumbling. 2 Ib loss in 24 hours? This Guinness diet is excellent.

Now with extra gusto and a proud smile, I declared to my friend Cos, "Yes, YES I WILL join you on a night out". He asked what beer I would like as we would sit at his and have a few drinks before painting the town black. I kindly reminded him that I was on the Guinness diet. So I had 3 cans of Guinness at his house, taking my total for the day to 6.

We headed off into town where I purchased my pint of the black stuff and sat talking to my mates Cos and Mcnulty, Mcnultys girlfriend Emma and my missus. My missus, what can I say, she isn't too impressed with this Guinness for a week, despite buying me my 24 hour pint the night before. So to show how much she was against the whole idea, she came back from the bar with a nice fresh pint. At midnight we celebrated a landmark 48 hours. 8 pints the total for the day.

But I had the feeling I would regret it. I had been foolish, I had drank them all during the afternoon and evening, I hadn't spaced out my day. Still, we went to another bar and I enjoyed my 9th pint, even with the knowledge that this was too much. I was treating this experiment to light hearted. I was sticking to the guidelines....

'10 pints should stave off hunger, but just drink to stave off hunger. If two pints do the trick, just have two, try not to have more than ten'.

Was I going to be my own downfall? I needed to be strict with my intake! I need to space out my day. God help me for what the morning will bring me. I had the feeling me and the toilet seat were going to produce a special relationship.

The Science Part. I can tell you my faecal matter was resembling a dark grey colour. I had actu­ally lost 2lbs over the 24 hours. From 14st 12lbs i had gone down to 14st 10lbs. This excited me, but I kept in mind that sometimes body weight can fluctuate.

Whilst writing this Blog today, by pure chance, on the radio came The Doves - Black and White town, hmmmm, interesting.

Sunday’s Report

Sunday May 29 2005

So after a good nights sleep, I began my day with a chewable Vitamin C and a pint of milk. Now I was ready.

I sat down for my Sunday Roast at 3pm with the rest of the family. As they all helped themselves to Pork, Turkey, roast potatoes, veg and that bloody gorgeous gravy you can buy from ASDA, I sat back and poured my meat. As they all tucked in, I sat and watched the Guinness swirling around in my glass waiting to settle. It was surprisingly easy. I didn't seem to mind, until my family brought in the remainders of my birthday cake (yes the incredibly chocolaty kind) that I could not eat.

This they really enjoyed. I simply cracked open a can of desert, or Guinness as other people would know it as whilst the family ate MY BIRTHDAY CAKE, with TRIPLE TOFFE ICECREAM. Now this is certainly not the norm with birthday cakes, usually birthday cakes are consumed on there own, none of this triple toffe ice cream malarkey!

I feel they were piling the pressure on me so I decided to watch the play off match on tv with a pint of water. I wasn't aware yet of how many Guinness and over what period of time I was best drink­ing. With a late Sunday afternoon I sat back and watched Team America, cracking open another can of Guinness just to stave off any hunger.

Nothing left to do all night I was tempted into town around 10pm for a few drinks with my younger brother (little burt) and his friends (his girlfreidn Dani, his mates Pete and YT). They lined up shots and pints of Stella for this Sunday before bank holiday. I lined up two pints of Guinness.

The missus soon joined us in town to yet again tell me that this was a bad idea and that I would probably die. But it was too late, mentally I had prepared for a week on this challenge and no nag­ging was gonna stop me now! And she didn't mind buying me my 24 hour pint. We all celebrated the 24 hour success with a little cheer at midnight.

At the end of the night I had finished 4 pints of Guinness in town. I decided that I was feeling ok to walk home, not drunk and feeling very little hunger. Plus the fact my brother and his posse were all going to get kebabs, I didn't want to have any temptation so early on in this challenege. This also gave the missus a full 35 minutes of the walk home to warn me that I would probably die. When this didn't work, she started telling me that I would fail and never make it to Saturday midnight my deadline. Talk about how to motivate a guy. This was having the reverse effect on me, every negative she said became a motivational positive. I said to myself, IT CAN BE DONE!

The main problem I have found is that I am craving foods but not feeling that hungry. It seems the Guinness is keeping me feeling full, yet I am missing actually eating something. It's a strange sensa­tion.

My dream last night was also very strange. I was on a Spanish Armada style ship, hitting hamburgers with a golf club. After I had finished this, I went to the hull of the ship where a lecture (on what i can­not remember) was taking place. There was an all you can eat buffet. I began to eat a spoonful of food when someone pointed out that I was on the Guinness diet. I woke up sweating, thinking I had already damaged this challenge. But fear not, it was only a nightmare!

The Science Part:

Weight 14st12lbs

At Midnight it began

Sunday May 29 2005

Well the quest began last night, Sunday 29th May, 12:01 am GMT. At that time I had quickly fin­ished my larger, fought my way to the bar and bought my first meal of the day. Only to come back to my so called friends to watch one of them throw a pound into my supper!

Now those not in the know about the pound game (£ game) let me tell you the basic and childish rules. If someone puts a £ coin in your drink, you have to finish the drink in one. If you are not touching your drink, or holding two drinks, then nobody can put a £ coin in it.

The shock and horror as that £ coin ripped threw the creamy goodness of the white head falling into the darkness with total disrespect.

Well to say I got a few strange looks after my outburst towards my friends, who laughed without remorse. "That isn't a drink MOL, that is my supper, you are in fact throwing a pound coin into my meal!' People soon moved away.

Back I traipsed to the bar, to purchase pint number two, sorry, meal number two. Only for Johnno, under the evil guidance of Mol to put another pound into my drink. I almost cried. Now Guinness isn't the best drink for downing, and my great friends told me i could down the pint in two, with a ten second break. Oh so kind.

Meal number 3 was bought and guarded like the crown jewels. I was going to savour this pint, and I did.

That was the end of the Guinness drinking for the night as other bars did not sell it! So I sat and watched my friends get increasingly drunk off Stella whilst I was without my supper. I went home, had a pint of water and settled down in bed, waiting for what Sunday daytime would hold.

I am sat here this very minute, finishing off my pint of milk and a chewable Vitamin C. Expect an update around midnight tonight, with heart rate, blood pressure, weight and a couple of pictures.

So the joke turned Real

Tuesday May 24th 2005

Well, as some of you may know, the most excellent http://get.to/chaps has an equally excel­lent message board.And a dear old friend named Hilly made a little suggestion.'What about test­ing out the famous 'Guinness diet'? Nothing but Guinness, water and bread for a week (or maybe two?)? We need a volunteer. Where are you Burty?"

I was reading the post, obviously.

And I laughed.

I laughed some more.

Then I giggled.

Then I wondered.

Then I planned.

Damn it.

Hilly knew he would have that effect on me. Something that should have been a discarded com­ment, was slowly becoming a reality.

So here we now are, getting ready for Sunday May 29th when the Guinness Diet will take place.The guidelines are, 1 week (Sunday may 29th to Sunday 5th June), 4 to 10 pints of Guin­ness a day, no food, only water allowed, 1 pint of milk for Calcium and a Vitamin supplement for Vitamin C {both of which Guinness is lacking).

Keep a note of blood pressure and heart rate before and after the experiment. I will keep you posted with pics, and post links to my video documentary!

Cya Soon!